what does a generation of children want?

tanya singh

They were formed in conditions of strong narcissistic motivation of their parents (on the one hand) and the most rich environment for the development of their needs (on the other). Here is just one absurdity - it's not their needs, it's the needs of their parents.


Parents, like their parents, gave their children the best, what they themselves dreamed about - they created an ideal childhood for their children, the kind of childhood that they themselves dreamed of. They did not take into account only one thing - their children are not themselves.


And their children are unlikely to want the same. They fell into a trap typical for all people - the trap of the consciousness of one generation. A trap that is limited by the views, ideas, needs of one generation, naively deciding that the picture of their world is the real world.


Then, however, the question remains - are our children infantile?


The answers may be different, and completely opposite:


1 . They are undoubtedly infantile by the standards of our time, according to the requirements and tasks that faced our generation. And we, in turn, were infantile, if we were judged by the standards of the older generation. Yes, they lack the responsibility and strong-willed qualities that we have. But they will never appear if we continue to be afraid and from this constantly control them.


2 . They are not infantile from the point of view of their time, they are "children" of their time and they are adequate to it. And they will cope with the tasks that their time puts before them. They will cope if we do not interfere with them in this, because of their fears, habitually guarding and controlling them. To do this, it is important to understand that our fears that they will not cope are just our fears. And such fears have always been (remember the constantly arising maxims of the older generation like “Where the world is heading”!)


In my opinion, behind these fears lies the difficulty of parting with children, letting them go into the adult world, which ultimately turns into a problem of addiction in relationships.


Addiction is always the use of another for your own purposes, disguised as a virtue or even a sacrifice for it.


The modern generation of mums and dads has a stranglehold on their children. The level of anxiety and fear of modern parents in front of the world is now so high that it manifests itself in truly unprecedented control of their children and hyper responsibility.


Control and hyper responsibility of some elements within the system (and here we are talking about the family system) inevitably gives rise to lack of control and irresponsibility in other elements. This is the law of distribution of system functions.


And it is up to adults - the generation of moms and dads - to break this vicious circle. In order to do this, they need to:


Face your anxiety;


Realize the fears behind it;


Realize your needs;


Do not view your children as an extension of yourself;


Try to see your children as others who have their own desires, experiences, plans, dreams that are different from them;


Stop projecting your needs onto your children and demanding them to be different from who they are.


Time will tell to what extent our children are able to solve the problems they face.


What can be unequivocally stated is that they are different. Not like us, and that doesn't make it any better or worse.

It's just that they are Others ...

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tanya singh
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