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Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-07-28
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The DC police officer had told Congress on Tuesday that he was beaten unconscious and almost killed by Capitol rioters.
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10
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-05-16
img
A dubious photo of an apparent pink iPhone 13 made the rounds on Twitter recently and, actually, this rumor could come true.
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0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-03-12
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Sick of your sheets being stolen and incessant snoring from your partner? It might be time to consider a “sleep divorce.”

For many of us, getting a good night’s rest is a nightly challenge ― and the pandemic has only made things worse. A Kaiser Family Foundation study found that 36% reported difficulty sleeping due to pandemic stress.

As much as you love cuddle time with your other half, the last thing you need when you finally doze off is to be woken up by the bright light of their iPad or an errant arm hitting your face.

Sleeping in separate beds or rooms is more and more sounding like a dream for some couples ― especially if you’re working from home together, said Wendy Troxel, a senior behavioural and social Scientist at the RAND Corporation and author of “Sharing the Covers: Every Couple’s Guide to Better Sleep.”

“Given the extra ‘togetherness’ we have been sharing with our family during extended stay-at-home orders, sleeping apart, at least temporarily, during Covid may also benefit some couples who are just feeling starved for some alone time,” she told HuffPost. “The key, though, is making this decision as a couple and to make it clear that the decision is for the benefit of your relationship, not a sign of abandonment,” she said.

Jennifer Colbourne, a Ph.D. student in Austria who studies tool use in cockatoos (but not their sleeping habits, alas), is among the married people currently going it alone come bedtime.

She and her husband often live apart for stretches of time when Colbourne is collecting data. When she came back from one such research trip in the middle of the pandemic, the pair struggled to sleep side by side in a small double bed.

“In all fairness, we have a particularly bad situation, because I have several sleep disorders,” Colbourne told HuffPost. “I no longer sleepwalk or scream in my sleep now that I have a CPAP machine to treat my sleep apnea, but I still have restless leg syndrome and I still thrash, moan and steal blankets.”

“My spouse, on the other hand, is a very light sleeper and struggles with insomnia. It’s a lethal combination!” she joked. They recently moved to a new place and decided to start sleeping in separate beds. Now they’re both resting more soundly.

“To be honest, our relationship is the best it’s ever been in the 10 years we’ve been married,” she said. “There’s a stigma to sleeping separate, but being tired and resentful of your partner can’t be good for your relationship. Finding that balance of being independent but still needing each other without being codependent is a fine line to walk, and I think having your own personal space can help with that.”

Indeed, research shows when you are well-rested, you’re a better communicator, happier and more empathic ― all important attributes in developing and sustaining healthy, long-lasting relationships. If you can swing an extra bed or extra room, sleeping separately is a pretty sweet deal, Troxel said.

“There are are just times when strategically, it makes sense for a couple to ‘divide and conquer’ by sleeping apart, so at least one partner gets some much needed shut-eye,” she said.

For example, she said, for sleep-deprived parents of newborns, “giving each partner an occasional break to spend the night in a separate room while the other parent takes on infant caregiving duties for the night is a great way to ensure that both parents don’t become chronically sleep-deprived.”

Sleeping a la Lucy and Ricky Ricardo can also be beneficial if you and your partner have different sleep cycles, said Jennifer Adams, the author of “Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart.”

That was one of the major reasons Adams and her husband decided to sleep in separate rooms. Her husband is an earlier riser, while Adams is a night owl.

“I would head to bed and want to read when he was asleep and had to get up early in the morning for his job and then when he wakes in the morning, gets up and dressed, and ready for work, he would wake me,” she recounted.

In their waking hours, both were left with guilt and some residual resentment ― which is actually a common experience among co-sleepers. A 2013 study from the University of California, Berkeley found that one partner’s restless night caused by disturbances from the other partner can lead to conflicts in the relationship the next day. Another study showed that sleep issues and relationship problems tend to crop up simultaneously.

“The reality is, your sleep cycle is hard-wired,” Adams said. “It’s incredibly difficult to change your inbuilt sleep rhythms to satisfy those of another person.”

This whole “sleep separation” pitch sounds promising, but let’s turn to the question on everyone’s mind: What about sex? Does sleeping in separate rooms or beds put a damper on a couple’s sex life?

Not at all, said Raquel Fuqua, a Colorado woman who decided to “sleep divorce” her boyfriend over the summer due to some pretty incompatible sleep habits. (He sleeps diagonally and punches and kicks through the night. She sleep-talks and kicks, too. It’s all very MMA, but unwittingly-in-your-sleep MMA.)

“I think sleeping apart allows us to decide when we want to cuddle ― we just get into the other’s bed,” she said. “Sleeping in separate beds has increased and improved our sex lives.” If anything, the nightly absence makes the heart grow fonder.

“We do wake up missing each other because you’re not rubbing up on them all night,” Fuqua said. “It makes you crave physical affection a little more, especially in the mornings. We both work opposite work schedules so this works for us.”

Sujay Kansagra, an associate professor at Duke University Medical Center and sleep health expert for Mattress Firm, said that there’s no need for intimacy to take a hit because of arrangements like this.

“Really, beds should be used for only two things — sleep and sex,” he said. “When you walk into your bedroom, your mind should start focusing on sleep or intimacy and not on things like work or watching TV.”

If you recognise that, it can help maintain intimacy as a priority in the bedroom, should you go forward with a “sleep divorce,” Kansagra said.

For couples who aren’t interested in a sleep divorce but want to improve their co-sleeping regimen, syncing up their sleep schedules can positively impact their intimacy. (Granted, this advice isn’t too helpful for people working different work schedules.)

“If you can make this adjustment, some great activities for couples to engage in that will help sync their sleep routines include drinking herbal tea to relax, massages and being intimate,” Kansagra said.

Whatever tweaks you make to your bedroom regimen ― sleeping separately, syncing up schedules ― make sure that you explicitly communicate your relationship expectations and boundaries with your partner, Adams said.

“If you’re sleeping separately because you need your sleep, your partner should, and probably will, understand. We all need sleep,” she said. “If you are sleeping separately to escape your partner each night, you probably need to read a different article.”

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0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2020-11-06
img
Focus on lists and personalized content to break through the noise.

Please visit Marketing Land for the full article.
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0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-06-16
img
The new Maverick and Ranger are pretty close in price and size. Here's how Ford's two smallest trucks compare.
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0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-05-09
img

You know the drill: shake your head in disbelief, then figure out if patching will wipe out a weekend or be merely inconvenient

Cisco has revealed a pair of critical bugs in its HyperFlex hyperconverged infrastructure product.…

collect
0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-03-10
img

In case you missed it, Nothing announced its first product. You may be thinking that it’s the true wireless earbud in the header image, but you’d be wrong: Nothing’s first product is a whole load of design bullshit. Nothing is the new company from Carl Pei, the co-founder of OnePlus. So far, details about exactly what the company is up to have been sparse. We know it’ll focus on gadgets, we know it owns the Essential smartphone brand, and we know it’s set to release a pair of true wireless earbuds later this year. But apart from that? Not much. Now,…

This story continues at The Next Web
collect
0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2020-10-08
img
The Invisible+ Mighty Patch blends into skin so you can easily get rid of zits without drawing attention to them. Here's what they're like to use.
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0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-06-08
img
The adult lifestyle company intends to use the net proceeds from the proposed offering to fund future growth, including potential future acquisitions.
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0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-05-03
img
Gen. Mark Milley said he is open to considering changes to military sexual assault policies recommended by an independent review panel.
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0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-01-27
img

Customer: 'It feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth'

Cloudy DevOps company GitLab has removed its $4.00 user/month Bronze/Starter tier, giving users the choice between paying for Premium at $19.00 or downgrading to the free tier and losing some features.…

collect
0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2020-09-30
img
Don't know what to watch tonight? Here are some of the best movies Netflix has to offer.
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0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-05-21
img

Prince Harry has accused his family of “total neglect” over his wife Megan Markle’s mental health struggles during a new interview with Oprah Winfrey.

The Duke of Sussex opens up about his and his wife’s mental wellbeing in the Apple TV documentary series, The Me You Can’t See.

In the doc, Harry claims that his requests for help were ignored by the royal family when his wife was struggling while she was pregnant with their son Archie.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

“I thought my family would help, but every single ask, request, warning, whatever it is, just got met with total silence, total neglect,” he said.

The Duke said that what stopped his wife from giving into suicidal thoughts was how “unfair” it would be to him.

“The thing that stopped her from seeing it through was how unfair it would be on me after everything that had happened to my mum and to now be put in a position of losing another woman in my life, with a baby inside of her, our baby,” he said.

“The scariest thing for her was her clarity of thought. She hadn’t ‘lost it.’ ... She was completely sane. Yet in the quiet of night, these thoughts woke her up.”

 

Harry also claims Prince Charles did nothing to help his own “suffering” when he was struggling following the death of Princess Diana.

“My father used to say to me when I was younger, he used to say to both William and I, ‘Well, it was like that for me so it’s going to be like that for you’, Harry told Oprah in the doc.

“That doesn’t make sense. Just because you suffered, that doesn’t mean your kids have to suffer. Actually quite the opposite,” he said.

“If you suffered, do everything you can to make sure that whatever negative experiences you had, you can make it right for your kids.

“We chose to put our mental health first. That’s what we’re doing. And that’s what we will continue to do. Isn’t this all about breaking the cycle?

“Isn’t it all about making sure that history doesn’t repeat itself? That whatever pain and suffering has happened to you, that you don’t pass on.”

Prince Harry

Harry says that he’s been in therapy for “four or five years” and also talks about turning his back on Britain and his family to “break the cycle” of grief being passed down the generations.

The royal also opens up about how the trauma of his mother’s death led to him using alcohol and drugs to “mask” his emotions and to “feel less like I was feeling”.

Harry was just 12 when Diana, Princess of Wales, died in August 1997 in a car crash while being pursued by the press in Paris.

He said: “I was willing to drink, I was willing to take drugs, I was willing to try and do the things that made me feel less like I was feeling.”

He told Oprah he would drink a week’s worth of alcohol on a Friday or Saturday night “not because I was enjoying it but because I was trying to mask something”.

The five-part documentary series is available to watch on Apple TV now.

Useful websites and helplines

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.

Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).

CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.

The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email [email protected]

Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

collect
0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-04-05
img
A debate is raging over the social media giant's role in dividing the country. But it's the US's deeply-rooted inequities that tech should focus on.
collect
0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-01-21
img
From telehealth for sexual wellness to Omegle, we dive into the topics that are attracting a ton of attention in Asia
collect
0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2020-09-10
img
They ain't nothing but a hound dog, singing all the time.
collect
0
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-07-28
img
The DC police officer had told Congress on Tuesday that he was beaten unconscious and almost killed by Capitol rioters.
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-06-08
img
The adult lifestyle company intends to use the net proceeds from the proposed offering to fund future growth, including potential future acquisitions.
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-05-16
img
A dubious photo of an apparent pink iPhone 13 made the rounds on Twitter recently and, actually, this rumor could come true.
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-05-03
img
Gen. Mark Milley said he is open to considering changes to military sexual assault policies recommended by an independent review panel.
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-03-12
img

Sick of your sheets being stolen and incessant snoring from your partner? It might be time to consider a “sleep divorce.”

For many of us, getting a good night’s rest is a nightly challenge ― and the pandemic has only made things worse. A Kaiser Family Foundation study found that 36% reported difficulty sleeping due to pandemic stress.

As much as you love cuddle time with your other half, the last thing you need when you finally doze off is to be woken up by the bright light of their iPad or an errant arm hitting your face.

Sleeping in separate beds or rooms is more and more sounding like a dream for some couples ― especially if you’re working from home together, said Wendy Troxel, a senior behavioural and social Scientist at the RAND Corporation and author of “Sharing the Covers: Every Couple’s Guide to Better Sleep.”

“Given the extra ‘togetherness’ we have been sharing with our family during extended stay-at-home orders, sleeping apart, at least temporarily, during Covid may also benefit some couples who are just feeling starved for some alone time,” she told HuffPost. “The key, though, is making this decision as a couple and to make it clear that the decision is for the benefit of your relationship, not a sign of abandonment,” she said.

Jennifer Colbourne, a Ph.D. student in Austria who studies tool use in cockatoos (but not their sleeping habits, alas), is among the married people currently going it alone come bedtime.

She and her husband often live apart for stretches of time when Colbourne is collecting data. When she came back from one such research trip in the middle of the pandemic, the pair struggled to sleep side by side in a small double bed.

“In all fairness, we have a particularly bad situation, because I have several sleep disorders,” Colbourne told HuffPost. “I no longer sleepwalk or scream in my sleep now that I have a CPAP machine to treat my sleep apnea, but I still have restless leg syndrome and I still thrash, moan and steal blankets.”

“My spouse, on the other hand, is a very light sleeper and struggles with insomnia. It’s a lethal combination!” she joked. They recently moved to a new place and decided to start sleeping in separate beds. Now they’re both resting more soundly.

“To be honest, our relationship is the best it’s ever been in the 10 years we’ve been married,” she said. “There’s a stigma to sleeping separate, but being tired and resentful of your partner can’t be good for your relationship. Finding that balance of being independent but still needing each other without being codependent is a fine line to walk, and I think having your own personal space can help with that.”

Indeed, research shows when you are well-rested, you’re a better communicator, happier and more empathic ― all important attributes in developing and sustaining healthy, long-lasting relationships. If you can swing an extra bed or extra room, sleeping separately is a pretty sweet deal, Troxel said.

“There are are just times when strategically, it makes sense for a couple to ‘divide and conquer’ by sleeping apart, so at least one partner gets some much needed shut-eye,” she said.

For example, she said, for sleep-deprived parents of newborns, “giving each partner an occasional break to spend the night in a separate room while the other parent takes on infant caregiving duties for the night is a great way to ensure that both parents don’t become chronically sleep-deprived.”

Sleeping a la Lucy and Ricky Ricardo can also be beneficial if you and your partner have different sleep cycles, said Jennifer Adams, the author of “Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart.”

That was one of the major reasons Adams and her husband decided to sleep in separate rooms. Her husband is an earlier riser, while Adams is a night owl.

“I would head to bed and want to read when he was asleep and had to get up early in the morning for his job and then when he wakes in the morning, gets up and dressed, and ready for work, he would wake me,” she recounted.

In their waking hours, both were left with guilt and some residual resentment ― which is actually a common experience among co-sleepers. A 2013 study from the University of California, Berkeley found that one partner’s restless night caused by disturbances from the other partner can lead to conflicts in the relationship the next day. Another study showed that sleep issues and relationship problems tend to crop up simultaneously.

“The reality is, your sleep cycle is hard-wired,” Adams said. “It’s incredibly difficult to change your inbuilt sleep rhythms to satisfy those of another person.”

This whole “sleep separation” pitch sounds promising, but let’s turn to the question on everyone’s mind: What about sex? Does sleeping in separate rooms or beds put a damper on a couple’s sex life?

Not at all, said Raquel Fuqua, a Colorado woman who decided to “sleep divorce” her boyfriend over the summer due to some pretty incompatible sleep habits. (He sleeps diagonally and punches and kicks through the night. She sleep-talks and kicks, too. It’s all very MMA, but unwittingly-in-your-sleep MMA.)

“I think sleeping apart allows us to decide when we want to cuddle ― we just get into the other’s bed,” she said. “Sleeping in separate beds has increased and improved our sex lives.” If anything, the nightly absence makes the heart grow fonder.

“We do wake up missing each other because you’re not rubbing up on them all night,” Fuqua said. “It makes you crave physical affection a little more, especially in the mornings. We both work opposite work schedules so this works for us.”

Sujay Kansagra, an associate professor at Duke University Medical Center and sleep health expert for Mattress Firm, said that there’s no need for intimacy to take a hit because of arrangements like this.

“Really, beds should be used for only two things — sleep and sex,” he said. “When you walk into your bedroom, your mind should start focusing on sleep or intimacy and not on things like work or watching TV.”

If you recognise that, it can help maintain intimacy as a priority in the bedroom, should you go forward with a “sleep divorce,” Kansagra said.

For couples who aren’t interested in a sleep divorce but want to improve their co-sleeping regimen, syncing up their sleep schedules can positively impact their intimacy. (Granted, this advice isn’t too helpful for people working different work schedules.)

“If you can make this adjustment, some great activities for couples to engage in that will help sync their sleep routines include drinking herbal tea to relax, massages and being intimate,” Kansagra said.

Whatever tweaks you make to your bedroom regimen ― sleeping separately, syncing up schedules ― make sure that you explicitly communicate your relationship expectations and boundaries with your partner, Adams said.

“If you’re sleeping separately because you need your sleep, your partner should, and probably will, understand. We all need sleep,” she said. “If you are sleeping separately to escape your partner each night, you probably need to read a different article.”

Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-01-27
img

Customer: 'It feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth'

Cloudy DevOps company GitLab has removed its $4.00 user/month Bronze/Starter tier, giving users the choice between paying for Premium at $19.00 or downgrading to the free tier and losing some features.…

Malcolm Vanderveen 2020-11-06
img
Focus on lists and personalized content to break through the noise.

Please visit Marketing Land for the full article.
Malcolm Vanderveen 2020-09-30
img
Don't know what to watch tonight? Here are some of the best movies Netflix has to offer.
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-06-16
img
The new Maverick and Ranger are pretty close in price and size. Here's how Ford's two smallest trucks compare.
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-05-21
img

Prince Harry has accused his family of “total neglect” over his wife Megan Markle’s mental health struggles during a new interview with Oprah Winfrey.

The Duke of Sussex opens up about his and his wife’s mental wellbeing in the Apple TV documentary series, The Me You Can’t See.

In the doc, Harry claims that his requests for help were ignored by the royal family when his wife was struggling while she was pregnant with their son Archie.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

“I thought my family would help, but every single ask, request, warning, whatever it is, just got met with total silence, total neglect,” he said.

The Duke said that what stopped his wife from giving into suicidal thoughts was how “unfair” it would be to him.

“The thing that stopped her from seeing it through was how unfair it would be on me after everything that had happened to my mum and to now be put in a position of losing another woman in my life, with a baby inside of her, our baby,” he said.

“The scariest thing for her was her clarity of thought. She hadn’t ‘lost it.’ ... She was completely sane. Yet in the quiet of night, these thoughts woke her up.”

 

Harry also claims Prince Charles did nothing to help his own “suffering” when he was struggling following the death of Princess Diana.

“My father used to say to me when I was younger, he used to say to both William and I, ‘Well, it was like that for me so it’s going to be like that for you’, Harry told Oprah in the doc.

“That doesn’t make sense. Just because you suffered, that doesn’t mean your kids have to suffer. Actually quite the opposite,” he said.

“If you suffered, do everything you can to make sure that whatever negative experiences you had, you can make it right for your kids.

“We chose to put our mental health first. That’s what we’re doing. And that’s what we will continue to do. Isn’t this all about breaking the cycle?

“Isn’t it all about making sure that history doesn’t repeat itself? That whatever pain and suffering has happened to you, that you don’t pass on.”

Prince Harry

Harry says that he’s been in therapy for “four or five years” and also talks about turning his back on Britain and his family to “break the cycle” of grief being passed down the generations.

The royal also opens up about how the trauma of his mother’s death led to him using alcohol and drugs to “mask” his emotions and to “feel less like I was feeling”.

Harry was just 12 when Diana, Princess of Wales, died in August 1997 in a car crash while being pursued by the press in Paris.

He said: “I was willing to drink, I was willing to take drugs, I was willing to try and do the things that made me feel less like I was feeling.”

He told Oprah he would drink a week’s worth of alcohol on a Friday or Saturday night “not because I was enjoying it but because I was trying to mask something”.

The five-part documentary series is available to watch on Apple TV now.

Useful websites and helplines

Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.

Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).

CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.

The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email [email protected]

Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.

Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-05-09
img

You know the drill: shake your head in disbelief, then figure out if patching will wipe out a weekend or be merely inconvenient

Cisco has revealed a pair of critical bugs in its HyperFlex hyperconverged infrastructure product.…

Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-04-05
img
A debate is raging over the social media giant's role in dividing the country. But it's the US's deeply-rooted inequities that tech should focus on.
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-03-10
img

In case you missed it, Nothing announced its first product. You may be thinking that it’s the true wireless earbud in the header image, but you’d be wrong: Nothing’s first product is a whole load of design bullshit. Nothing is the new company from Carl Pei, the co-founder of OnePlus. So far, details about exactly what the company is up to have been sparse. We know it’ll focus on gadgets, we know it owns the Essential smartphone brand, and we know it’s set to release a pair of true wireless earbuds later this year. But apart from that? Not much. Now,…

This story continues at The Next Web
Malcolm Vanderveen 2021-01-21
img
From telehealth for sexual wellness to Omegle, we dive into the topics that are attracting a ton of attention in Asia
Malcolm Vanderveen 2020-10-08
img
The Invisible+ Mighty Patch blends into skin so you can easily get rid of zits without drawing attention to them. Here's what they're like to use.
Malcolm Vanderveen 2020-09-10
img
They ain't nothing but a hound dog, singing all the time.