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Milagros Lester 2021-07-19
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Anytime “Skynet” is trending on social media, and there isn’t a movie about a gubernatorial time-traveling robot being announced, it can only mean one thing: the mainstream saw a robot sneeze or something and everyone’s running around in circles screaming that the sky is falling. Imagine what AI powered machines will be able to do in the next 5-10 years. Boston Dynamics machines flawlessly and soulfully dancing in rhythm. pic.twitter.com/1PHmurRo1k — Vala Afshar (@ValaAfshar) July 17, 2021 Why is this scary? I feel like I missed a memo. Did alien overlords come down and declare that all future combat would…

This story continues at The Next Web
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Milagros Lester 2021-04-01
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It makes sense, but it also makes no sense at all.
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Milagros Lester 2021-01-21
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Remote work became the new normal quickly as COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns came into force in spring 2020, and it’s clear that after the pandemic recedes, remote work will remain the norm for many employees — as much as half the deskbound “white collar” workforce, various research firms estimate. As a result of the sudden lockdowns, many employees had to create makeshift workspaces, buy or repurpose personal equipment, and figure out how to use new software and services to be able to keep doing their jobs.

Users and IT departments alike made Herculean efforts to adapt quickly and ensure business continuity, and the result was an improvement in productivity despite the pandemic. But now the pandemic has become a longer-term phenomenon, and remote work will become more commonplace, even desirable as a way to save on office expenses and commute time, even after the pandemic subsides.

To read this article in full, please click here

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Milagros Lester 2020-09-14
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Here are some of the most common Zoom problems and how you can fix them. From issues with your video to problems sharing your screen, we've got you covered.
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Milagros Lester 2021-05-13
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Prince Harry touched on nearly every major aspect of his life during a wide-ranging interview on the Armchair Expert podcast with hosts Dax Shepard and Monica Padman.

In the one-and-a-half hour episode, which was released on Tuesday, the Duke of Sussex talked about myriad disparate topics, including Joe Rogan, Princess Diana, the benefits of therapy, nude pictures taken of him in Las Vegas, his first incognito supermarket date with Meghan Markle, unconscious bias, and his military service.

Harry also discussed his “biggest issue” with royal life, which he compared to being a cross between The Truman Show and a zoo, and explained why he disliked it even in his early 20s. 

Prince Harry on royal duty in Nottingham in 2016.

“I think that the biggest issue for me was that, being born into it, you inherit the risk. You inherit the risk that comes with it ― you inherit every element of it without choice,” Harry said.

“Because of the way that the UK media are, they feel an ownership over you. Literally, like, full on ownership. And then they give the impression to some of their ― or most of their readers ― that that is the case. But I think it’s a really dangerous place to be, if you don’t have a choice.”

“But then, of course, then people quite rightly, will turn around, and be like ‘So what if you didn’t have a choice? It’s privilege!’” he added. 

“I was in my early 20s and I was a case of, ‘I don’t want this job, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be doing this,’” Harry said later in the interview. “Look what it did to my mum. How am I ever going to, you know, settle down, have a wife and family, when I know that it’s going to happen again?”

The Duke of Sussex said he had those thoughts because he’s “seen behind the curtain” and “seen the business model.” 

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry in December 2017, shortly after they got engaged.

“I know how this operation runs and how it works. I don’t want to be part of this. And then once I started doing therapy, suddenly it was like the bubble was burst,” he said. “And I plucked my head out of the sand, gave it a good shake off. And I was like, ‘Okay. You’re in this position of privilege. Stop complaining or stop thinking as though you want something different ― make this different. Because you can’t get out.’” 

Through his relationship with Meghan, he began to examine what was really hurting him. 

“She could tell that I was hurting and that some of the stuff that was out of my control was making me really angry,” he said. “For me prior to meeting Meghan, it was very much a case of ― certainly connected to the media ― this anger and frustration of ‘this is so unjust.’

Harry and Meghan in January 2018.

Harry said “helplessness” is his biggest weakness, and listed off the three times when he’s felt “completely helpless.” 

“One when I was a kid in the back of the car with my mom being chased by paparazzi; two was in Afghanistan in an Apache helicopter; and then the third one was with my wife,” he said.

“And that’s when you think to yourself: ‘Shit. I’ve got the privilege, I’ve got the platform, I’ve got the influence and even I can’t fix this, I can’t change this.’ And you start getting in your head about it and that’s when it starts taking a toll.” 

While the duke said he’s been overly self-critical in the past, “the good thing is the course is being altered now.” 

Harry’s interview with Shepard and Padman comes on the heels of the duke opening up to two friends, Late Late Show host James Corden and media mogul Oprah Winfrey, in extremely candid interviews earlier this year.

Supporters of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, who stepped back as working members of the royal family in January 2020, will likely hear more candour from the royals in the months to come.

Harry has a new multi-part docuseries about mental health coming out in partnership with Winfrey later this month, in which the two will interview stars like Lady Gaga and Glenn Close, as well as regular people who face mental health struggles.

Last year, Harry and Meghan signed major deals with Spotify and Netflix, which have them producing and appearing in content for both platforms. 

For more of the duke’s Armchair Expert interview, listen below: 

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Milagros Lester 2021-03-15
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One of Trump’s last acts as President was to blacklist Chinese gadget giant Xiaomi for reasons basic due process has revealed to be fundamentally flawed.
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Milagros Lester 2021-01-08
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The accounts of Michael Flynn and Sidney Powell are among those banned from the social network.
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Milagros Lester 2020-09-13
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Dyson has kicked off a 'Dyson Week' in Australia, offering online-only deals on vacuum cleaners, fans and much more.
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Milagros Lester 2021-05-10
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Dewormers for dogs can prevent and kill parasites like tapeworms, hookworms, roundworms, whipworms, and heartworms. These are the best dog dewormers.
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Milagros Lester 2021-03-14
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For SEO, keywords still matter. Read about why SEO keywords should be the foundation of your content to address and satisfy searchers' needs.

The post Why Keywords Are Still So Very Important for SEO via @MyNameIsTylor appeared first on Search Engine Journal.

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Milagros Lester 2020-10-24
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The only thing better than buying a new bicycle is keeping it. We tested a bunch of bike locks and these are our picks—and some advice for using them.
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Milagros Lester 2020-09-01
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Facebook has thrown down the gauntlet on Australia's proposed media bargaining code, and it's not happy.
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Milagros Lester 2021-04-18
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A few years ago, I found myself in a bathroom stall furiously trying to remove a Bumble sticker from a sanitary product bin. I’m not sure how much time I spent there ― pants around my ankles ― picking away, but by the time I left the stall, the sticker looked like it had been clawed by a wild animal. 

I remember being enraged that there was no place I could go ― not even a college library’s bathroom ― where I wouldn’t be reminded that I was single. Worse, I believed that as a woman with a bipolar diagnosis, no one in his or her right mind would ever want to date me.  

I remember receiving my diagnosis clearly; it was May 2014. I was 33 years old. I was seated across from a man I’d never met before, after being involuntarily hospitalised. One way to get involuntarily hospitalised, I discovered, is by attempting to flee the ER, wearing only a hospital gown and men’s tube socks, possessing the sudden belief that humans can fly. 

My sister took me to the ER after I announced on Facebook that I had a very important meeting with then-President Barack Obama; we were going to discuss health care. I was uniquely qualified to talk about health care because, I was, hello, mentally ill. Who better to chat with him about the gaps in coverage? 

The man, my doctor, tried to explain that Obama wasn’t coming. 

“You have bipolar 1,” he said flatly. Instantly offended, I told him I was certainly not bipolar; my life just sucked. While hospitalised, I’d lost my job and internship, and I would soon be homeless. My previous diagnosis had been clinical depression and I didn’t want to accept something more severe. 

He brought up that I had taken off all my clothes the night before in the hospital’s common room. 

“Performance art,” I shrugged. What I didn’t explain was that I believed, in that moment, that I had to be in my birthday suit in order to be reborn the female Jesus Christ.  

I’m a bit embarrassed to admit how long it took me to accept my diagnosis ― six years. I thought my involuntary hospitalisation was a one-time fluke until I started to experience symptoms again in February, triggered by the stress of winter storm Uri. 

I thought to myself: “Maybe it’s time to learn about this thing I have.” Unable to focus enough to read, I listened to audiobooks. I learned that people with bipolar 1 experience manic phases (at least one) that can include psychosis and delusions. My manic episode lasted two months ― during that time I went three weeks without sleeping and believed that the hospital I was committed to was actual purgatory.

Because bipolar 1 disorder has a genetic component, I asked my mom about our family history. My grandmother, it turned out, liked to dress up like Liberace and ― without having had a single music lesson in her life ― “play” the piano. When my aunt was a teenager, she wholeheartedly believed that David Cassidy was in love with her. She swore they would meet up on the beach, and that he drew a heart in the sand with their initials.  

Dressing up in wigs and pounding on the piano sounded fun, but my aunt’s flights of fancy deeply worried me. In my research, I learned that being in love, with all its euphoric goodness, can trigger or coincide with bipolar episodes. So, too, can heartbreak. This only added to my fear that I might never be mentally fit to be in a romantic relationship. 

Indeed, one of the scariest movies I ever saw wasn’t a horror flick but a French film called ”He Loves Me… He Loves Me Not.” Angélique, an art student, played by Audrey Tautou, falls in love with a doctor, whom viewers assume reciprocates her feelings. The film’s perspective shifts, Angélique is committed to a psych ward, and it becomes clear that she’s suffering from erotomania ― the belief that someone is in love with you when they are not, which falls under the delusion category in the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-5. 

The final scene in the film is unforgettable. After her release from the hospital, a nurse moves a bookshelf and discovers that Angélique has made an artful portrait of her amour out of all the meds she did not take. That film scared me shitless because at 40, my only romantic relationships have involved unrequited loves that played out like vivid movies in my head. 

In high school, I was madly in love with Danny, a Skinny Puppy-loving punk at my high school.

The most “romantic” and goth thing I did was gift Danny the razor blade I used for cutting my forearms, because only he could give me a reason to live. Not surprisingly, rumors spread quickly that I was a psycho, a word that would greatly affect how I saw myself long term. By the time I turned 17, I had been hospitalised three times; I’m deeply grateful that I was so bad at attempting suicide. 

None of this bodes well for a dating profile. 

In December 2020, I started attending support groups on Zoom through the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Not only did the group help me to come to terms with my diagnosis, but it was a huge relief to finally find people who understood what it’s like to live with a mental illness. I’d been in therapy on and off for years, but it never offered what I didn’t know I needed most ― a sense of community. 

I was deeply touched when others raised the subject of dating and relationships. I heard questions aloud that had been rolling around in my head for years: When do you tell someone you have a mental illness? How do you cope if they react negatively? What about the kid thing? Is it OK to date someone with the same diagnosis as you? One question I badly wanted to contribute was: What if your medications totally kill your sex drive? 

I noticed this side effect six years ago after I was stabilised on a tolerable cocktail of meds. I didn’t find anyone attractive anymore. I began to experience what I called “my one horny day” a month. I’d notice a slight tingling that I recognised as arousal and then realise, “Must be my horny day.”  

Staying out of hospitals was worth not having a sex drive but it did add to the belief that I might never be in a “normal” relationship, let alone a relationship at all.  

A few months ago, something shifted for me when I found myself crushing on a support group member. He was kind, a good listener, and had a nice strong jaw. The feeling was faint but I started to think about how much trust and vulnerability factor in when attempting pretty much anything new ― especially dating. It’s not that I pictured myself falling in love with this person, but it planted the seed that such a thing was possible.

The truth is some days I feel like I’m fighting for my life. Just a few weeks ago, I didn’t sleep for four days. Today, it felt excruciating to put one leg into a pair of sweatpants, realising I still had the other leg to go. When I think about my hierarchy of needs, it’s food, water, shelter, meds and shampooed hair. From there, I build upward into social support: friends, family, peer support groups and counseling. 

You can probably sense how far I have to travel. That doesn’t mean I’m not putting in the work to challenge my fears. 

My first step has been to break the silence, to admit that I am lonely. My second step has been to grow the relationships I already have, and feel my heart wake up a bit. My third step is to imagine the sort of partner I want in my life. What qualities do they have? What are my deal breakers? Would this person be willing to call my doctor if I wake up and announce that I’m in the CIA?

I’m working hard to imagine a partner who would love me despite the fact that I take heavily sedating meds, hit the hay at 7:30 p.m. sharp and wake up 11 hours later still tired. I’m prone to “checks” ― getting 10 minutes down the road only to be convinced I left the stove on, and there’s a 50% chance that I’ll be found up on a ladder, checking air vents for hidden cameras. 

But I’ve always hated that saying: You can’t love someone else until you love yourself. This past year, I’ve learned that I don’t have to wait until I’ve become some sort of perfect, self-loving, sound-of-mind, confident, relationship-ready person because that person doesn’t exist ― anywhere ― so I’m taking small steps when I can. I’m a work in progress, as most of us are, and if that’s the case, my chances for finding love are actually pretty good. 

This article first appeared on HuffPost Personal

Have a compelling personal story you want to tell? Find out what we’re looking for here, and pitch us on [email protected]

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Milagros Lester 2021-02-23
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“Somewhere in that black hole was the Chinese fleet. She would be expected to find and destroy it.”
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Milagros Lester 2020-10-22
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The top finance stories for October 22, including the latest news on Morgan Stanley slowing its recruitment of financial advisors.
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Milagros Lester 2020-08-15
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FILE PHOTO: Jack Dorsey, co-founder of Twitter and fin-tech firm Square, sits for a portrait during an interview with Reuters in London, Britain, June 11, 2019. REUTERS/Toby Melville/File Photo

  • Jack Dorsey said his strict diet, exercise, and meditation regimen is the result of taking on his second CEO position at Twitter. 
  • During an appearance on "The Boardroom: Out of Office" podcast hosted by NBA star Kevin Durant's manager, Rich Kleiman, Dorsey was asked why he's willing to put up with the stress of running two companies, Twitter and Square. 
  • Dorsey said he views the stress as a motivator and an opportunity to keep learning, but said it was also the catalyst for making major changes in his personal life. 
  • "When I went back to Twitter and took on the second job, I got super-serious about meditation and I got really serious about just dedicating a lot more of my time and energy to working out and staying physically healthy and looking more critically at my diet," Dorsey said. "I had to. Just to stay above water."
  • Dorsey's strict routine has been scrutinized in the past. He meditates for two hours each day and only eats one meal during weekdays before fasting all weekend. 
  • Visit Business Insider's homepage for more stories.

Serving as the CEO of two major corporations can add stress to anyone's plate — for Jack Dorsey, it was the catalyst he needed to make some major changes in his personal life. 

The Twitter and Square CEO described that period during an appearance this week on "The Boardroom: Out of Office" podcast, hosted by Rich Kleiman, cofounder of Thirty Five Ventures and manager of NBA superstar Kevin Durant. Kleiman asked Dorsey about his wealth — which tops $7.7 billion — and why he's willing to put up with the stress of running two companies.

"I don't really think about the money aspects of it, probably because all of my value is really tied up in these two companies," Dorsey said. "I have to sell shares in order to get access to any of that." 

Dorsey said that he views the stress as a motivator and an opportunity to keep learning. 

"I'm part of two companies that scaled doing completely different things, and I get to see this like, perspective in the world that I wouldn't have otherwise. It's just incredible," Dorsey said. "That's what really drives me and makes the stresses OK. It's also like, how to creatively adapt to all the new stresses. Every stress brings a new opportunity to bring on a new practice."

Dorsey said taking the helm at Twitter again in 2015 — while simultaneously running payments company Square — was the catalyst for adopting a new diet and exercise regimen. 

"When I went back to Twitter and took on the second job, I got super-serious about meditation and I got really serious about just dedicating a lot more of my time and energy to working out and staying physically healthy and looking more critically at my diet," Dorsey said. "I had to. Just to stay above water."

Dorsey said that the added stress actually "made everything in my life better" and that he's grateful he took it on. 

Dorsey is famous for having a regimented routine. He typically wakes up at 5 a.m., tries to meditate for two hours each day, and, prior to the coronavirus outbreak, walked to Twitter's headquarters every morning — a five-mile walk that Dorsey told Kleiman typically takes him an hour and 20 minutes. 

In the past, Dorsey has experimented with different diets, including becoming a vegan and trying the Paleo diet. Most recently, however, Dorsey has been fasting, eating only one meal on weekdays and then fasting all weekend. The strict eating regimen has been scrutinized by those who worry that it sounds like an eating disorder.

Regardless, Dorsey's stress-management routine has likely come in handy over the last five years, particularly in running Twitter. Most recently, Dorsey has had to fend off a near-ouster as CEO from activist investor Elliott Management and has taken a stand on tweets from President Donald Trump that violated Twitter's guidelines on glorifying violence and spreading misinformation about COVID-19

You can listen to Dorsey's full conversation with Kleiman on "The Boardroom" podcast

SEE ALSO: Jack Dorsey explains why wanting to work 20 hours a day to be like Elon Musk is 'bulls---'

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: We tested a machine that brews beer at the push of a button

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Milagros Lester 2021-07-19
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Anytime “Skynet” is trending on social media, and there isn’t a movie about a gubernatorial time-traveling robot being announced, it can only mean one thing: the mainstream saw a robot sneeze or something and everyone’s running around in circles screaming that the sky is falling. Imagine what AI powered machines will be able to do in the next 5-10 years. Boston Dynamics machines flawlessly and soulfully dancing in rhythm. pic.twitter.com/1PHmurRo1k — Vala Afshar (@ValaAfshar) July 17, 2021 Why is this scary? I feel like I missed a memo. Did alien overlords come down and declare that all future combat would…

This story continues at The Next Web
Milagros Lester 2021-05-10
img
Dewormers for dogs can prevent and kill parasites like tapeworms, hookworms, roundworms, whipworms, and heartworms. These are the best dog dewormers.
Milagros Lester 2021-04-01
img
It makes sense, but it also makes no sense at all.
Milagros Lester 2021-03-14
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For SEO, keywords still matter. Read about why SEO keywords should be the foundation of your content to address and satisfy searchers' needs.

The post Why Keywords Are Still So Very Important for SEO via @MyNameIsTylor appeared first on Search Engine Journal.

Milagros Lester 2021-01-21
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Remote work became the new normal quickly as COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns came into force in spring 2020, and it’s clear that after the pandemic recedes, remote work will remain the norm for many employees — as much as half the deskbound “white collar” workforce, various research firms estimate. As a result of the sudden lockdowns, many employees had to create makeshift workspaces, buy or repurpose personal equipment, and figure out how to use new software and services to be able to keep doing their jobs.

Users and IT departments alike made Herculean efforts to adapt quickly and ensure business continuity, and the result was an improvement in productivity despite the pandemic. But now the pandemic has become a longer-term phenomenon, and remote work will become more commonplace, even desirable as a way to save on office expenses and commute time, even after the pandemic subsides.

To read this article in full, please click here

Milagros Lester 2020-10-24
img
The only thing better than buying a new bicycle is keeping it. We tested a bunch of bike locks and these are our picks—and some advice for using them.
Milagros Lester 2020-09-14
img
Here are some of the most common Zoom problems and how you can fix them. From issues with your video to problems sharing your screen, we've got you covered.
Milagros Lester 2020-09-01
img
Facebook has thrown down the gauntlet on Australia's proposed media bargaining code, and it's not happy.
Milagros Lester 2021-05-13
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Prince Harry touched on nearly every major aspect of his life during a wide-ranging interview on the Armchair Expert podcast with hosts Dax Shepard and Monica Padman.

In the one-and-a-half hour episode, which was released on Tuesday, the Duke of Sussex talked about myriad disparate topics, including Joe Rogan, Princess Diana, the benefits of therapy, nude pictures taken of him in Las Vegas, his first incognito supermarket date with Meghan Markle, unconscious bias, and his military service.

Harry also discussed his “biggest issue” with royal life, which he compared to being a cross between The Truman Show and a zoo, and explained why he disliked it even in his early 20s. 

Prince Harry on royal duty in Nottingham in 2016.

“I think that the biggest issue for me was that, being born into it, you inherit the risk. You inherit the risk that comes with it ― you inherit every element of it without choice,” Harry said.

“Because of the way that the UK media are, they feel an ownership over you. Literally, like, full on ownership. And then they give the impression to some of their ― or most of their readers ― that that is the case. But I think it’s a really dangerous place to be, if you don’t have a choice.”

“But then, of course, then people quite rightly, will turn around, and be like ‘So what if you didn’t have a choice? It’s privilege!’” he added. 

“I was in my early 20s and I was a case of, ‘I don’t want this job, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be doing this,’” Harry said later in the interview. “Look what it did to my mum. How am I ever going to, you know, settle down, have a wife and family, when I know that it’s going to happen again?”

The Duke of Sussex said he had those thoughts because he’s “seen behind the curtain” and “seen the business model.” 

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry in December 2017, shortly after they got engaged.

“I know how this operation runs and how it works. I don’t want to be part of this. And then once I started doing therapy, suddenly it was like the bubble was burst,” he said. “And I plucked my head out of the sand, gave it a good shake off. And I was like, ‘Okay. You’re in this position of privilege. Stop complaining or stop thinking as though you want something different ― make this different. Because you can’t get out.’” 

Through his relationship with Meghan, he began to examine what was really hurting him. 

“She could tell that I was hurting and that some of the stuff that was out of my control was making me really angry,” he said. “For me prior to meeting Meghan, it was very much a case of ― certainly connected to the media ― this anger and frustration of ‘this is so unjust.’

Harry and Meghan in January 2018.

Harry said “helplessness” is his biggest weakness, and listed off the three times when he’s felt “completely helpless.” 

“One when I was a kid in the back of the car with my mom being chased by paparazzi; two was in Afghanistan in an Apache helicopter; and then the third one was with my wife,” he said.

“And that’s when you think to yourself: ‘Shit. I’ve got the privilege, I’ve got the platform, I’ve got the influence and even I can’t fix this, I can’t change this.’ And you start getting in your head about it and that’s when it starts taking a toll.” 

While the duke said he’s been overly self-critical in the past, “the good thing is the course is being altered now.” 

Harry’s interview with Shepard and Padman comes on the heels of the duke opening up to two friends, Late Late Show host James Corden and media mogul Oprah Winfrey, in extremely candid interviews earlier this year.

Supporters of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, who stepped back as working members of the royal family in January 2020, will likely hear more candour from the royals in the months to come.

Harry has a new multi-part docuseries about mental health coming out in partnership with Winfrey later this month, in which the two will interview stars like Lady Gaga and Glenn Close, as well as regular people who face mental health struggles.

Last year, Harry and Meghan signed major deals with Spotify and Netflix, which have them producing and appearing in content for both platforms. 

For more of the duke’s Armchair Expert interview, listen below: 

Milagros Lester 2021-04-18
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A few years ago, I found myself in a bathroom stall furiously trying to remove a Bumble sticker from a sanitary product bin. I’m not sure how much time I spent there ― pants around my ankles ― picking away, but by the time I left the stall, the sticker looked like it had been clawed by a wild animal. 

I remember being enraged that there was no place I could go ― not even a college library’s bathroom ― where I wouldn’t be reminded that I was single. Worse, I believed that as a woman with a bipolar diagnosis, no one in his or her right mind would ever want to date me.  

I remember receiving my diagnosis clearly; it was May 2014. I was 33 years old. I was seated across from a man I’d never met before, after being involuntarily hospitalised. One way to get involuntarily hospitalised, I discovered, is by attempting to flee the ER, wearing only a hospital gown and men’s tube socks, possessing the sudden belief that humans can fly. 

My sister took me to the ER after I announced on Facebook that I had a very important meeting with then-President Barack Obama; we were going to discuss health care. I was uniquely qualified to talk about health care because, I was, hello, mentally ill. Who better to chat with him about the gaps in coverage? 

The man, my doctor, tried to explain that Obama wasn’t coming. 

“You have bipolar 1,” he said flatly. Instantly offended, I told him I was certainly not bipolar; my life just sucked. While hospitalised, I’d lost my job and internship, and I would soon be homeless. My previous diagnosis had been clinical depression and I didn’t want to accept something more severe. 

He brought up that I had taken off all my clothes the night before in the hospital’s common room. 

“Performance art,” I shrugged. What I didn’t explain was that I believed, in that moment, that I had to be in my birthday suit in order to be reborn the female Jesus Christ.  

I’m a bit embarrassed to admit how long it took me to accept my diagnosis ― six years. I thought my involuntary hospitalisation was a one-time fluke until I started to experience symptoms again in February, triggered by the stress of winter storm Uri. 

I thought to myself: “Maybe it’s time to learn about this thing I have.” Unable to focus enough to read, I listened to audiobooks. I learned that people with bipolar 1 experience manic phases (at least one) that can include psychosis and delusions. My manic episode lasted two months ― during that time I went three weeks without sleeping and believed that the hospital I was committed to was actual purgatory.

Because bipolar 1 disorder has a genetic component, I asked my mom about our family history. My grandmother, it turned out, liked to dress up like Liberace and ― without having had a single music lesson in her life ― “play” the piano. When my aunt was a teenager, she wholeheartedly believed that David Cassidy was in love with her. She swore they would meet up on the beach, and that he drew a heart in the sand with their initials.  

Dressing up in wigs and pounding on the piano sounded fun, but my aunt’s flights of fancy deeply worried me. In my research, I learned that being in love, with all its euphoric goodness, can trigger or coincide with bipolar episodes. So, too, can heartbreak. This only added to my fear that I might never be mentally fit to be in a romantic relationship. 

Indeed, one of the scariest movies I ever saw wasn’t a horror flick but a French film called ”He Loves Me… He Loves Me Not.” Angélique, an art student, played by Audrey Tautou, falls in love with a doctor, whom viewers assume reciprocates her feelings. The film’s perspective shifts, Angélique is committed to a psych ward, and it becomes clear that she’s suffering from erotomania ― the belief that someone is in love with you when they are not, which falls under the delusion category in the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-5. 

The final scene in the film is unforgettable. After her release from the hospital, a nurse moves a bookshelf and discovers that Angélique has made an artful portrait of her amour out of all the meds she did not take. That film scared me shitless because at 40, my only romantic relationships have involved unrequited loves that played out like vivid movies in my head. 

In high school, I was madly in love with Danny, a Skinny Puppy-loving punk at my high school.

The most “romantic” and goth thing I did was gift Danny the razor blade I used for cutting my forearms, because only he could give me a reason to live. Not surprisingly, rumors spread quickly that I was a psycho, a word that would greatly affect how I saw myself long term. By the time I turned 17, I had been hospitalised three times; I’m deeply grateful that I was so bad at attempting suicide. 

None of this bodes well for a dating profile. 

In December 2020, I started attending support groups on Zoom through the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Not only did the group help me to come to terms with my diagnosis, but it was a huge relief to finally find people who understood what it’s like to live with a mental illness. I’d been in therapy on and off for years, but it never offered what I didn’t know I needed most ― a sense of community. 

I was deeply touched when others raised the subject of dating and relationships. I heard questions aloud that had been rolling around in my head for years: When do you tell someone you have a mental illness? How do you cope if they react negatively? What about the kid thing? Is it OK to date someone with the same diagnosis as you? One question I badly wanted to contribute was: What if your medications totally kill your sex drive? 

I noticed this side effect six years ago after I was stabilised on a tolerable cocktail of meds. I didn’t find anyone attractive anymore. I began to experience what I called “my one horny day” a month. I’d notice a slight tingling that I recognised as arousal and then realise, “Must be my horny day.”  

Staying out of hospitals was worth not having a sex drive but it did add to the belief that I might never be in a “normal” relationship, let alone a relationship at all.  

A few months ago, something shifted for me when I found myself crushing on a support group member. He was kind, a good listener, and had a nice strong jaw. The feeling was faint but I started to think about how much trust and vulnerability factor in when attempting pretty much anything new ― especially dating. It’s not that I pictured myself falling in love with this person, but it planted the seed that such a thing was possible.

The truth is some days I feel like I’m fighting for my life. Just a few weeks ago, I didn’t sleep for four days. Today, it felt excruciating to put one leg into a pair of sweatpants, realising I still had the other leg to go. When I think about my hierarchy of needs, it’s food, water, shelter, meds and shampooed hair. From there, I build upward into social support: friends, family, peer support groups and counseling. 

You can probably sense how far I have to travel. That doesn’t mean I’m not putting in the work to challenge my fears. 

My first step has been to break the silence, to admit that I am lonely. My second step has been to grow the relationships I already have, and feel my heart wake up a bit. My third step is to imagine the sort of partner I want in my life. What qualities do they have? What are my deal breakers? Would this person be willing to call my doctor if I wake up and announce that I’m in the CIA?

I’m working hard to imagine a partner who would love me despite the fact that I take heavily sedating meds, hit the hay at 7:30 p.m. sharp and wake up 11 hours later still tired. I’m prone to “checks” ― getting 10 minutes down the road only to be convinced I left the stove on, and there’s a 50% chance that I’ll be found up on a ladder, checking air vents for hidden cameras. 

But I’ve always hated that saying: You can’t love someone else until you love yourself. This past year, I’ve learned that I don’t have to wait until I’ve become some sort of perfect, self-loving, sound-of-mind, confident, relationship-ready person because that person doesn’t exist ― anywhere ― so I’m taking small steps when I can. I’m a work in progress, as most of us are, and if that’s the case, my chances for finding love are actually pretty good. 

This article first appeared on HuffPost Personal

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FILE PHOTO: Jack Dorsey, co-founder of Twitter and fin-tech firm Square, sits for a portrait during an interview with Reuters in London, Britain, June 11, 2019. REUTERS/Toby Melville/File Photo

  • Jack Dorsey said his strict diet, exercise, and meditation regimen is the result of taking on his second CEO position at Twitter. 
  • During an appearance on "The Boardroom: Out of Office" podcast hosted by NBA star Kevin Durant's manager, Rich Kleiman, Dorsey was asked why he's willing to put up with the stress of running two companies, Twitter and Square. 
  • Dorsey said he views the stress as a motivator and an opportunity to keep learning, but said it was also the catalyst for making major changes in his personal life. 
  • "When I went back to Twitter and took on the second job, I got super-serious about meditation and I got really serious about just dedicating a lot more of my time and energy to working out and staying physically healthy and looking more critically at my diet," Dorsey said. "I had to. Just to stay above water."
  • Dorsey's strict routine has been scrutinized in the past. He meditates for two hours each day and only eats one meal during weekdays before fasting all weekend. 
  • Visit Business Insider's homepage for more stories.

Serving as the CEO of two major corporations can add stress to anyone's plate — for Jack Dorsey, it was the catalyst he needed to make some major changes in his personal life. 

The Twitter and Square CEO described that period during an appearance this week on "The Boardroom: Out of Office" podcast, hosted by Rich Kleiman, cofounder of Thirty Five Ventures and manager of NBA superstar Kevin Durant. Kleiman asked Dorsey about his wealth — which tops $7.7 billion — and why he's willing to put up with the stress of running two companies.

"I don't really think about the money aspects of it, probably because all of my value is really tied up in these two companies," Dorsey said. "I have to sell shares in order to get access to any of that." 

Dorsey said that he views the stress as a motivator and an opportunity to keep learning. 

"I'm part of two companies that scaled doing completely different things, and I get to see this like, perspective in the world that I wouldn't have otherwise. It's just incredible," Dorsey said. "That's what really drives me and makes the stresses OK. It's also like, how to creatively adapt to all the new stresses. Every stress brings a new opportunity to bring on a new practice."

Dorsey said taking the helm at Twitter again in 2015 — while simultaneously running payments company Square — was the catalyst for adopting a new diet and exercise regimen. 

"When I went back to Twitter and took on the second job, I got super-serious about meditation and I got really serious about just dedicating a lot more of my time and energy to working out and staying physically healthy and looking more critically at my diet," Dorsey said. "I had to. Just to stay above water."

Dorsey said that the added stress actually "made everything in my life better" and that he's grateful he took it on. 

Dorsey is famous for having a regimented routine. He typically wakes up at 5 a.m., tries to meditate for two hours each day, and, prior to the coronavirus outbreak, walked to Twitter's headquarters every morning — a five-mile walk that Dorsey told Kleiman typically takes him an hour and 20 minutes. 

In the past, Dorsey has experimented with different diets, including becoming a vegan and trying the Paleo diet. Most recently, however, Dorsey has been fasting, eating only one meal on weekdays and then fasting all weekend. The strict eating regimen has been scrutinized by those who worry that it sounds like an eating disorder.

Regardless, Dorsey's stress-management routine has likely come in handy over the last five years, particularly in running Twitter. Most recently, Dorsey has had to fend off a near-ouster as CEO from activist investor Elliott Management and has taken a stand on tweets from President Donald Trump that violated Twitter's guidelines on glorifying violence and spreading misinformation about COVID-19

You can listen to Dorsey's full conversation with Kleiman on "The Boardroom" podcast

SEE ALSO: Jack Dorsey explains why wanting to work 20 hours a day to be like Elon Musk is 'bulls---'

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