by A.C Fernandez
I imagine this is one of those moments when there is much to say but the words cannot be found. On March 1st, 2021 I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer. I had no indication or inclination. I did not feel ill. It made no sense to me. It was not real. It became real very quickly. In the next few weeks, I was referred to an Oncologist, Radiologist, and Urologist. My Primary Care Physician was part of my Treatment Team as well. Cancer was found in my clavicle, spine, pelvis, scapula, sternum, left kidney, and right breast.
Several years ago, I helped a gentleman transition in his final days. It was an honor, but very challenging. His body had been destroyed by this disease. He had previously been through treatment and was in remission. Sadly, his Cancer returned. At that point, he refused further treatment. I completely understood.
After that experience, I made a decision to never agree to treatment should I be diagnosed with Cancer. Perhaps that seems selfish, but I refused to suffer as he did. I would have preferred to be permitted to die with dignity and grace.
When I saw my Mother and Father and their fear, tears, helplessness, confusion, and determination, I knew I had to take measures to address my illness. If not for myself, for them. I prepared myself for the challenge of my lifetime.
I found myself tucked into a little world of pseudo denial. If I did not think about it, it was not real. When I shared my diagnosis with my friends and other family members, I felt as if I were speaking of a dream I had or a book I read. I was numb. I went to my medical appointments, completed all of my tests, took my medications, and everything else which was asked of me. All the while, I had one intrusive thought. What did I do in my lifetime to make me deserve this? Read more….
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