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COMPARING AND LABELING CHILDREN

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COMPARING AND LABELING CHILDREN

er, he is our gymnast). Think of the differences between the children as neither positive nor negative but as a reminder that every individual is different or unique who has his own strengths and weaknesses.

Following are the things you can do differently:

Appreciate that every person is different and unique and has his own strengths and weaknesses.

Identify the strengths of your child and encourage each child to use those strengths. Become aware of the child’s weaknesses also and expect some failures which are a learning step in a child’s life.

Change the topic when our other family members or neighbors start comparing children even if your child is coming out a winner. RESIST the urge to join in: this is the behavior where you don’t value each child as an individual.

Praise your child’s specific actions instead of labeling your child as “Our family cricketer” say “That was great batting you did today. You really kept your eye on the ball.”

Avoid setting up kids for competition against each other. Example: At the dinner table your two sons are very different from each other. One finishes his meals in time and other takes hours to complete his food. Avoid setting the competition of “The one who finishes first will________” this discourages the children and who knows he might even get up from the half eaten meal.

Typecasting… Think about the impact this will have on your kids when one is type casted as a “bully” and other as the “victim”. Parents immediately defend the younger one which comes instinctively but, sometimes this may not teach the younger child to defend himself and he would take always come to you to help him defend.

Attempt to free your children from all the labels which are given by your family, their friends, their teachers and even themselves.

 When Rahul and Rohan’s fighting was getting Grandpa irritated. Their mom, Sheetal, overheard their Grandpa ask, for the third time that day, “Rahul, why are you being such a bully to your brother?” Sheetal said, “Rahul can be kind. He likes to share when Rohan asks politely.”

Strive for a home environment free drom the pressures of the outside world.

 After achieving disappointing score in math test 10 year old Kiran exclaimed, “I’ll never score well in math! All my friends are better than me! I hate math!” His dad replied, “Some of them do have good scores. But with your patience and a little more practice I’ll bet you can achieve much more in the nest test. Let’s practice after dinner at home, just the two of us.”

Ask for inputs/opinions from each of your children.

 Sanjana’s family decides to go on a weekend trip. She took this opportunity to ask all the children starting with the youngest: “Ronak, can you think of two places you would like to go for a weekend trip?” Then she turned to her middle child.”Aisha, what do you think?” Then the eldest son got a turn and Sanjana said.”Let’s make a list.” By asking everyone’s opinions she was able to satisfy each child’s needs.

Reflect upon the influence of your own birth order and the impact of gender and other roles from your own past. You may be unintentionally be reinforcing certain stereotypes you grew up with and help you change the pattern.

Try not to get stuck up on “boy things” versus “girl things” or to favor a child because he or she is the only boy or only girl in the family of many siblings.

Constant attention to your kid’s problems might actually reinforce negative self-image and can bring about the behaviors you want to change.

Look carefully at what you consider your child’s weakness; what may at first appear to be a weakness may actually be strength for that particular child.

It’s often hard to accept the fact that your children are different from each other as well as from you;

learn to appreciate that everyone succeeds best using his or her own particular strengths.

Keep in mind that what you perceive as a weakness at a young age may be a slight developmental delay that will disappear without any intervention at all.

 Rohan is unable to tie his shoe lace. So his father bought Velcro-strap shoes for Rohan whenever possible. Both his parents have simply been frustrated trying to teach him to tie his shoes laces. Rohan’s father was confident that eventually Rohan will be able to tie his laces. So they waited until Rohan was more coordinated to try again. One year later….. Success!

Have a conversation with your partner about all the expectations you put on your children. Each parent wants their child to have everything that they enjoyed in their childhood. Also, each parent would like to avoid all those unpleasant, difficult and painful memories for their child.

Remember that each child is a unique individual who has his own strengths and weaknesses. Every parent should acknowledge that consciously before they try to labeling or typecasting children which comes naturally to parents.

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