When a family member has special needs, siblings grow up fast. Parents sometimes speak of how life changed for them when they began caring for a child with disabilities, but for me, and for many siblings, the special needs household is our only frame of reference.
Growing up, even the most devoted siblings are likely to face emotional turmoil, given parents’ focus on the daily demands of caring for a child with disabilities. All kids like to be the center of attention from time to time, but those moments are likely to be rare for the typically developing offspring in such homes. Consequently, it’s important that parents set aside time to devote to each child separately.
Siblings often assume a protective role in relation to a family member with special needs, and their circle of friends usually consists of those who are compassionate and tolerant beyond their years. Siblings learn early lessons about what matters most in life and sometimes find it difficult to relate to people who grew up differently.
Because the entire family unit is affected, it’s important to communicate openly with all members about a child’s disability and for decisions to be made as a family. At some point, many siblings will assume caregiving responsibilities—sometimes for longer periods than their parents–and having an open dialogue can be valuable preparation for the future.
I’ve recently joined the law practice my father founded 11 years ago to focus exclusively on serving families of children and adults with developmental disabilities, intellectual disabilities and mental illness. Having a brother with autism, I am able to bring a sibling’s perspective to discussions with our clients.
