Why Wait to Seek Marriage Counselling?

Most couples wait an average of 6 years of being in an unhappy union before getting professional help, according to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman.

The question is: Why do people live in misery for so long?

Every relationship has its own set of distress and challenges. Author Dave Meurer rightly said:

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

Sometimes, couples can resolve small issues themselves. However, if you are living in unhappiness for years, the delay in seeking marriage counselling is only compounding problems. Small problems turn into big, messy problems that can be difficult and sometimes impossible to untangle.

So why do couples wait an average of 6 years before going to marriage counselling? Here are 4 common reasons:

Last Resort.

One or both partners may not see the gravity of a problem or feign ignorance. They may think the problem will resolve itself. They postpone marriage counselling until it’s too late.

Couples therapy should not be seen as a last resort before divorce. It can help partners address anything that “doesn’t feel right” early in their relationship. A marriage counsellor has resources and tools to help partners resolve issues at the seed level.

Societal Stigma.

Some couples fear judgment about going to therapy. They feel ashamed or like a failure.

One reason for the stigmatism is the misinformation surrounding marriage counselling. The good news is that the stigma is eroding as people are realizing the importance of mental health and the benefits of therapy with a licensed, certified counsellor.

Remember, the happiness of your marriage is your duty. Rise above the prejudices and seek professional help. The treatment you receive from a professional will be much more helpful than any advice from a well-intended but ill-informed friend.

Disagreement Over Therapy.

Often, partners are in disagreement about seeking therapy. One partner may want marriage counselling, while the other partner resists. The resisting partner may feel he or she will be made to be the “bad partner” or that talking with a third party is a breach of trust. The reasons are numerous.

Marriage counselling is beneficial if both partners buy-in and contribute to the therapy process.

There are a few workarounds. If you want the road to counselling and your partner rejects the idea, then seek counselling for yourself. Perhaps your partner may be more amiable to teletherapy or a marathon session.

Or, ask your partner to join you for a couples retreat or workshop with a licensed marriage counsellor. Many times, the concepts discussed at the retreat are similar to concepts in a couples counselling treatment plan.

Cost of Treatment.

Couples sometimes worry about the cost of marriage counselling, so they put it off, saving it as a last-ditch effort when divorce papers are about to be filed.

The longer you let issues fester, the longer it will take to heal the wound. Get help sooner, rather than later, and the therapy treatment plan may not be as lengthy or costly.

Want to jump-start the road to recovery? A couple’s workshop is a less expensive way to dive into the issues of your relationship. Then, supplement the work done at the workshop with marriage counseling.

Remember, you chose your partner out of love. Overcome your reasons for not seeking the help of a relationship counselor, and regain and keep that love. Invest in your relationship and reap the benefits.

“Relationships last long not because they are destined to last long. Relationships last long because two brave people made a choice. To keep it, fight for it and to work for it.”

 Originally Published At: https://dimensionofworld.live/why-wait-to-seek-marriage-counselling/