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In our country, tenth and twelfth grades act as a turning point in a child’s life. At this point in life, a child arrives at the crucial decision of which direction they would take or course they would pursue to have a bright future. It is a challenging phase for children and parents owing to the quandaries and pressure to perform well.

Exam anxiety is a common problem faced by the younger generation these days. To some extent, this is contributed by the education system and the cut-throat competition in all fields. But have we ever contemplated that, directly or indirectly, this exam anxiety is triggered in children primarily by parents? In the webinar conducted by CecureUs, our expert psychologist and EFT specialist, Veena Jain, talks about the role of parents in tackling this exam anxiety in children and how parents can be supportive of their kids.

To begin with, let us ask ourselves a few questions.

Are we, as parents,

• Teaching our kids that it is OK to fumble/fail or equip them in handling their uncertain moments or failures?
• Conveying to our kids the impacts of success and failure?
• Putting ourselves in their shoes and trying to understand their struggles?
• Do we accept our kids’ failures as much as we celebrate their success?

More often than not, parents fail to accept that children can be unsuccessful in their attempts, especially when it comes to their own. They project their insecurities and dreams on their kids and presume them to live and fulfill their expectations. In this process, parents forget the actual cognitive capabilities and aspirations of the child.

What is test/exam anxiety?

Test anxiety is a physiological condition that makes people experience extreme anxiety, discomfort, or stress before or during an exam. And it is most common among the kids who are top-scorers rather than kids whose scores are average or below average. The main reason is, the top scorers are always met with high expectations from parents and teachers and, to some extent, relatives and friends. They are not allowed to fumble at any point. This adds to the already existing pressure about the exams and leads to unexplained anxiety and stress.

Symptoms of exam anxiety in children

Children could exhibit physical, emotional, behavioural, and cognitive symptoms due to exam anxiety.

Physical symptoms manifest themselves in any of these forms.

• Rapid heartbeat
• Dryness in mouth
• Stomach ache
• Dizziness
• Frequent urination
• Headaches
• Low test scores

Some of the emotional symptoms that children show could be

• Unexplained fear, sometimes leading to hallucinations
• Disappointments that are difficult to overcome
• Anger on themselves and others
• Depression, sometimes accounting for suicidal thoughts
• Uncontrolled crying/laughing
• Feeling helpless/hopeless

Cognitive symptoms of exam anxiety are

• Racing thoughts that make it challenging for the child to concentrate on chapters
• Going blank before or during exam
• Negative self-talk
• Dipping self-confidence

Behavioural symptoms that children encounter are

• Aggressive or Submissive in their responses
• fidgeting
• Substance abuse
• Avoidance; retracting into their own cocoon

How parents contribute to test anxiety in children

• Expectations – either they feed thoughts that their kids can perform well or they cannot. For instance, if the child is trying and failing, they push and plant ideas to achieve the impossible. In the other extreme, they convey that the child can never achieve the impossible. Both extremes are not right. There needs to be a balance between expectations and the message delivered to the child.
• Thrusting their desires and unfulfilled dreams onto their children.
• Comparisons. Comparing children with one another leads to devastating results. As parents, one should understand that no two children have the same cognitive skills, and comparing them will do more harm than good. The right way of comparison would be to make children perceive the progress in their own selves. Absolute comparison between their old version VS their new version can be healthy. However, relative comparisons demotivate the child.
• Question their abilities instead of encouraging and motivating them. By stating the sacrifices that parents have made for their children and the resources they provide, parents make children indebted to repay them by scoring high. This way of pulling down the child yields no results. Instead, it shatters their self-confidence and interest in achieving even short-term goals.
• Critical evaluation.

How parents can help children surmount exam anxiety

Controlling test anxiety consists of three steps.

Preparation, attitude, and handling pressure. 

Preparation: To tackle exam anxiety in the right way, kids can follow the ABC pattern, where

A represents new topics/chapters, chapters that are not confident enough

B represents topics and chapters that are known but not thorough

C represents topics and chapters that are thorough.

Kids should work towards converting chapters from A to C gradually. But also, they should be conscious enough to not lower from C to A.

Attitude

Understanding a child’s attitude before the exam helps parents boost their confidence. If a child is satisfied with average grades, parents tend to judge and push them to achieve more. Talking with the child to understand their perspective contributes to a clear mind for both parents and the child. It also raises their test percentage.

 Handling pressure

Children should learn to manage the pressure before exams and not let exam anxiety take over. Sometimes, stress before an exam can act as a driving force and help kids prepare well. But, if it progresses to the point of distress, causing exam anxiety, it should be handled correctly.

Coping with exam anxiety

Parents can follow these simple steps to help their children cope with exam anxieties.

• Understand the child’s learning style.
• Engage in analysing your child’s test papers, help them understand where they have gone wrong, and encourage them with kind words.
• Develop the attitude ‘So What?’
• Practice Pomodoro, a defined technique to prepare for the exams.
• Give the child adequate sleep.
• Keep track of their nutritional intake.
• Ensure the child is well hydrated.
• Help your child practice Yoga and Meditation for a calm mind.

As Albert Einstein rightly said, “Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Marks in exams do not portray a child’s brilliance or capabilities. Parents should act as a conscious driving force, be open to their child’s dreams, and help them achieve their aspirations.

Contact Us if you are concerned about yourself or a loved one. Book an Appointment today or Call us. To receive updates about out webinars, subscribe to our newsletter. Visit our website for blogs, vlogs, and self-assessments on emotional wellness.