Lifelines

“Lifelines” 

Letters, memories. 

It has been approximately one year since the incident occurred on 18 August 2022. Tonight, thoughts of him resurface, but I remain resolute in my decision. I do not want him in my life because I believe I deserve to be treated with much more respect. Furthermore, I would never act against his wishes. The memory of him intentionally injecting me three times in rapid succession, within a span of about 30 seconds, still lingers. I hope that one day I will be able to forget about this experience, but for now, I am deeply saddened and frightened by what transpired. I am unsure about how to proceed with him.

He still on my mind times to London, a unique and diverse city, is often referred to as the heart of the world. It offers a rich cultural experience, showcasing history and green spaces throughout. From restaurants to museums to shops and markets, the options are abundant, ensuring you are always spoiled for choice. London seamlessly blends old-fashioned charm with modernity, making it truly special. For those who appreciate beautiful architecture and old-world vibes, there are numerous places to explore. London is like a living museum, constantly evolving and offering something new each day. One of the most remarkable aspects of London is its inclusivity, where anyone can be themselves regardless of their background. Furthermore, many of the city's most awe-inspiring attractions are free to visit, including Buckingham Palace, Sky Garden, Tower Bridge, Soho, and more. London welcomes all with open arms, providing an opportunity to experience its wonders firsthand.

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I demonstrated patience and understanding towards him, and in return, his behavior towards me improved. Our relationship grew stronger, and he began expressing his love for me through affectionate gestures like tight kisses. However, this display of affection was kept secret, as I was not allowed to share it with anyone in my circle. During our conversation, I discovered that he had been telling his friends that a girl, specifically a white girl, had given him a haircut and that she was very skilled. When he expressed a need for more money and mentioned wanting to become an escort, I offered him advice based on my connections in the adult industry. I have friends who are successful porn stars and acquaintances who work in escort services, but I have never violated our verbal agreement by disclosing their information. They trust me, and I trust them, so seeking their guidance could be beneficial for him. As for myself, I have been approached multiple times to become an escort, but I have always declined. I have a stable (more or less, but that’s what I been always doing, cutting people’s hair, working in a hair and beauty salon, I have also worked as a healthcare professional, working with people with spine and brain injuries, mental health, I enjoyed and I don’t regret about anything I done, even tried to be a cleaner, but my attention to detail, people told me I’m being too slow and efficient) and volunteer work I was doing, helping bring back people in to communities after breakdown or whatever they circumstances been. Main job and other sources of income that meet my financial needs. While I understand the importance of having enough money for comfort, I believe that constantly striving for more can become addictive and lead to excessive spending.

The first meeting with him was incredibly important to me. However, there were some concerns that arose in my mind. He had mentioned meeting in a couple of hours, but didn't provide any updates. We had connected on a website called fab swingers and there was an immediate mutual attraction. I sensed that he needed someone to care for him and found him handsome. On the night of our planned meeting, he said he would message me to let me know he was on his way, but he never did. I messaged him, but received no reply. I eventually fell asleep, disappointed. He arrived after midnight and texted me, claiming to be a brave Superman. I apologized for being asleep, but questioned why I should apologize for his lack of punctuality. Our relationship was unclear, but I won't arrange meetings like that again. He referred to himself with various names, including Black Jesus and Captain Sh..., and expressed missing his family and cooking for me. Despite the initial strong sexual desire and my declaration of love, his behavior began to change and he seemed bothered by something.

The difference between me and him is that we both possess intelligence. I openly admitted to cheating on him, while he desired me to be more provocative and glamorous. I even purchased perfumes from various brands, with Superman favoring the pink one from Britney Spears. Towards the end of our relationship, he engaged in intimate acts and whispered compliments. Despite expressing my love for him, he dismissed it as insignificant. This was disheartening, but I continued to give him chances, believing he would change. However, he ultimately revealed that he couldn't be the person I desired. Despite this, he would still come to my place, sleep, and eat with me. He even expressed a desire to cook for me. However, he struggled with basic tasks, such as hanging pictures. I viewed him as someone who needed care, similar to a baby. Yet, I would occasionally catch him smoking in the bathroom, claiming it was given to him at work or comparing it to police actions. He also mentioned the mistreatment of LGBT individuals by some transgender women, who denied him access to bathrooms.

On the 11th of August in the year 2023 a significant event was scheduled to take place - a meeting with the higher team. The clock ticked away, and as the hands approached 9:30, I found myself in a rather precarious situation. You see, I had overslept and only managed to rouse myself from my slumber at precisely 9:24. Panic set in as I glanced at the time, realizing that I had a mere six minutes to prepare for this crucial gathering. Hastily, I scrambled to find the link that would grant me access to the meeting, all the while hastily throwing on some clothes. Time was of the essence, and I had no luxury to waste on a leisurely morning routine.

The anticipation and uncertainty surrounding this encounter with the higher team were palpable. While I felt a sense of confidence within me, there was also an underlying apprehension. The lack of detailed information provided to me only added to the intrigue. It seemed that the investigation, which had been ongoing for quite some time, had yet to yield any new developments. This revelation was deeply disheartening, as I yearned for some semblance of progress in this matter. I longed to be informed of the individual's questioning and subsequent response, as well as the revelation that he had administered an injection with my consent. Astonishingly, despite these revelations, he had been allowed to walk free. It was perplexing to comprehend why he had not been apprehended back in November of 2022, as logic dictated. The passage of time had only served to deepen the mystery surrounding this perplexing situation.

Nevertheless, I maintained a composed demeanor and assured myself that there was no cause for concern. From my perspective, it was abundantly clear that immediate arrest was the only appropriate course of action. There should be no room for hesitation or doubt when it came to ensuring the safety of the public. While I understood the necessity of adhering to legal protocols and due process, it was disconcerting to witness the perpetrator of a crime being allowed to roam freely. The very notion that a crime had been committed, yet it was simultaneously not considered a crime, left me in a state of bewilderment. It was a delicate balance between upholding the law and doing what was morally right. I found myself grappling with the notion of seeking reassurances from those in authority, fully aware that their track record of keeping their promises was less than stellar.

At the conclusion of our meeting, one of the esteemed officers kindly inquired about my upcoming work location for the following week. With a sense of pride, I shared that I will be stationed in the very heart of our magnificent world, surrounded by the bustling energy of life itself. To be more precise, I mentioned that I will be in close proximity to the Charing Cross higher team office, a place that exudes professionalism and expertise.

In a gesture of utmost consideration, the officer mentioned the possibility of their esteemed colleagues from the higher team assisting me by collecting my devices. These devices would then undergo a thorough scanning process, allowing them to extract valuable information and conversations pertaining to my ex. It was truly heartening to witness such dedication to resolving this matter.

As we eagerly await the unfolding of events, I couldn't help but sense that the officers were genuinely invested in finding a solution that would alleviate any burden on my part. Deep within my heart, I felt a resolute refusal to let this issue go unaddressed. Rest assured, dear reader, that I am confident in the officers' commitment to resolving this matter with the utmost care and consideration.

When considering whether or not to date someone, it's important to prioritize your own happiness. Don't date someone just because you're bored or feel pressured to be in a committed relationship. Instead, only date someone if you truly love them and have the right reasons. Avoid toxic relationships and make sure your actions contribute to the growth and strength of the relationship. In my own experience, I learned a lot about myself and what actions were best for the relationship. I had hoped that my ex, who was older than me, would provide guidance and advice, but it didn't work out that way. Despite giving him freedom and asking him to be the best version of himself, he broke our boundaries and settled rules. It became clear that he wasn't the person he claimed to be. While I initially had some doubts, a new admirer came into my life and I decided to send him a picture to show that I missed him.

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In this article, I would like to address the issue of self-deprecation and the importance of maintaining personal boundaries in relationships. It is concerning to witness someone continuously downgrading their own personality, as it can have a negative impact on their self-esteem. While I may miss this person, it does not mean that I will go back to them, especially considering the ways they have violated our established rules. It has been brought to my attention by others that this individual has displayed questionable behavior. Although some may have forgotten, I have a keen memory and can recall the incidents vividly. My instincts have proven to be accurate in most cases, with only a few exceptions when I struggled to effectively communicate my thoughts. Expressing oneself can be a complex process, influenced by various factors such as body language and mental state. These nuances are crucial to our overall well-being. In my opinion, maintaining good health is of utmost importance. However, I believe that excessive options and choices provided by democracy can sometimes lead to a loss of control and a lack of clarity in our desires. I recall a time when I was heavily invested in my physical fitness, adhering to a strict diet and feeling great. I was disciplined, waking up early to go to the gym or work. Although my priorities have shifted, I am determined to regain that sense of discipline as soon as possible. Recovering from a breakdown can be a lengthy process, depending on the circumstances. This particular situation is unique and has had a profound impact on my life, leaving me with lasting consequences. It has significantly lowered my standards and affected how others perceive me. I hope that through sharing my experience, others will come to understand my perspective and perhaps offer me a chance to start anew. This incident, where he intentionally injected something into my arm while I was half asleep, has left an indelible mark on my life. Overwhelmed by his actions, I retreated to the bedroom to reflect and express my feelings through this text.

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I must say, this reflection brings a certain degree of clarity to the events that have unfolded in my life over the past couple of years. Oh, how I yearn for the days when I could freely embrace my true self, basking in the innocence and freedom that accompanied every action. Ah, yes, I recall a wise saying I once heard in the heart of the world, London! This magnificent city, which I affectionately refer to as London Town, truly embodies the essence of the world. London is a place of unparalleled uniqueness and challenges. It is a vibrant and exhilarating metropolis, capable of overwhelming even the most seasoned individuals if they fail to recognize their own limitations. And oh, how my life has transformed since my arrival here...

I have come to realize that it is of utmost importance to allow others to manifest the best versions of themselves, to grant them the freedom to pursue their desires and aspirations, as long as they remain accountable and responsible for their actions. I assure you, my dear reader, that I speak with utmost sincerity, for I have nothing to hide. Please understand that my seemingly nonchalant demeanor is not indicative of apathy or ignorance. No, it is rather a consequence of the profound changes that the world has wrought upon me. As I diligently honed my skills and sought to improve my life in every corner of this vast planet, I found that my own behavior became increasingly complex and challenging to navigate. At times, I even find myself vexed by my own actions. For instance, there are instances when I possess the knowledge of the correct answer, yet deliberately choose to respond incorrectly. I do so not out of a lack of concern, but rather to shield others from any potential harm. You see, I am resolute in my commitment to safeguard the rights and well-being of those around me.

Allow me to share an anecdote about a dear friend of mine from Chicago (though I refer to him as a friend, I must confess that my feelings for him run deeper). He is a few years older than my former partner, possessing a remarkable intellect and maturity. One evening, during a heartfelt conversation that stretched into the wee hours of the night, he uttered words that struck a chord within me. "I can sense the depth of your love for him," he said, his voice tinged with sympathy. "I am truly sorry that you have had to endure such hardship."

Indeed, my dear reader, life has a way of presenting us with unexpected challenges and transformations. It is during these moments that we must strive to maintain our composure and navigate the intricate web of human emotions. May we find solace in the knowledge that we are not alone in our struggles, and that there are kind souls who offer their support and understanding along the way.

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I would like to take this opportunity to introduce you to another character, one that was primarily created for Shane. It all began when we were together, lying on the bed, carefully selecting new clothes for me to wear. As we spent more time in each other's company, we developed a deep understanding of one another's opinions and preferences.

During the times we were together, and even when we were apart, Alexaa Art came into existence. I graciously allowed him to stay at my home during the nights when I was away for work. I vividly recall a particular instance when I was involved in a television production in North Yorkshire. It was during this time that I extended my hospitality to him for a duration of two nights or two days. If necessary, I can certainly retrieve the exact details from my records.

I share this information with you to emphasize the level of trust he had in me. While I cannot label myself as transgender, I do identify as a cross-dresser. Shane found this aspect of my identity inspiring and it brought us even closer together.

When it comes to his health, I held a direct and strict opinion. I noticed that he was improperly training at the gym, pushing himself in the wrong direction. I repeatedly advised him to seek the guidance of a specialist and to incorporate proper stretching exercises into his post-workout routine. I did not encourage him to visit the gym excessively, as it was not conducive to his overall well-being. However, the pressure on him to acquire more and more money began to mount.

In light of this, I had a conversation with him. I expressed my willingness to help him, but I made it clear that I could not financially support him, especially considering he is older than me. I reminded him that having a child is a lifelong commitment that requires utmost seriousness. I urged him to remain decent and honest throughout this journey. Having experienced the absence of parents during my own childhood, with only my mother's support to rely on, I had a clear understanding of the gravity of the situation. I found it difficult to fathom when he spoke about it. Please understand that I am not passing judgment on him, nor do I wish to be judged myself. This is why I am here, engaging in this one-way conversation with you.

Subsequently, drugs became a part of the equation. Personally, I have no reaction to them, as I have never used any form of illegal substances in my life, not even marijuana, until I reached the age of 30 or 31. This decision was influenced by a severe car accident I endured in 2007, where the odds of survival were a mere 0.1%. I was in a coma for nearly a week and had to undergo extensive rehabilitation to regain my ability to walk and understand the functioning of my own body. As a result, I have no inclination or sympathy towards any illegal drugs.

This stance was crystal clear to Shane, yet he never seemed to listen or allow me to finish my sentences whenever I tried to express my concerns. I began to notice that our relationship seemed to be one-sided, with me constantly giving and him consistently taking. He would display kindness and intelligence only when it was convenient for him or when he found himself in dire financial circumstances.

I was aware of his desire to engage in escort work, and while I believed he was being honest with me, the reality proved to be quite the opposite. He began to psychologically abuse me, disregarding my origins and repeatedly dismissing my concerns. I want to reiterate that I hold no prejudice against any nationality or ethnic background.

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During my time working at Splash New Row in London, I assisted individuals from various backgrounds in their job search. However, the salon closed permanently in March 2020, and I resigned just before the closure. Although I had been with the company for a while, I felt it was time for a change. Despite being tasked with handling complaints and dealing with new people, I managed part-time because I didn't want to leave my clients. My colleagues and I achieved over 1,200 5-star reviews, which was a great accomplishment. While Mr. Simon, my former lover , had some influence on my relationships with close friends, I made it clear to him that I cared for him differently. He once asked if he could live with me for four months, to which I responded that I needed time to think. However, he consistently lied, made unclear promises, and changed plans at the last minute. The evidence of his abusive behavior towards me, both psychologically and through drug use, including rape, is visible on my arm. I am eager to see how the judge will respond to this evidence, as it has caused me significant anxiety, depression, and feelings of being used and abused without my consent. I simply asked Mr. Simon to apologize for his actions, but he responded with defensive behavior. Now, I want him to take responsibility for every meal I cooked for him, every piece of clothing I washed and ironed. I do not need an older sugar baby who claims to be more intelligent. Intelligent people do not steal syringes from a nurse and inject others with illegal drugs. Mr. Simon claims he didn't know we were in a relationship, but I know exactly what he is referring to. It is time for him to answer for his actions. In regards to Alexaa Art, I have attached pictures and have accounts on Instagram, Twitter, and fabswingers. Mr. Simon had full access to these accounts until November 17, 2023, as well as access to my personal and professional data on my Apple devices. I wouldn't be surprised if he fabricated conversations to blame me for something, especially since I informed him in August 2023 that I would report him to the police. He seemed unfazed, as he has friends who may protect him. However, I have also received messages from one of his friends who managed to reach out to me. When he mentioned having a girlfriend, I told him to leave immediately. But surprisingly, he attempted to steal my old iPhone, which I still have. I informed him that I would not involve the police, but I would keep his details in case Shane denies the truth. I will provide the police with the details of this individual who tried to steal my phone. He claimed to have someone higher than the police, to which I responded that I would keep that in mind. He then mentioned having a family, but if he doesn't come clean about his actions, he will have to answer for his words and attempted theft. I have saved his number and he must take responsibility for everything he has brought into my life, including the drugs and the man who was hiding in my bathroom on October 30th, as well as all his lies. I hope this clarifies the situation and highlights the importance of presenting accurate and detailed information to the court.

Mr. Shane Simon had access to all my data on three of my devices: an iPhone 11 Pro Max, an iPhone 12, and an iPad. The iPhone 11 Pro Max was purchased by me at Apple Covent Garden using my self-employment income. I traded in my previous iPhone XS and purchased Apple care +. The total cost was £1,403.00. This device contained important information such as the HMRC app, online banking for Barclays personal and business accounts, as well as apps like WhatsApp, Snapchat, Facebook, Google, Gmail, and Yahoo. Mr. Simon would often ask for my passcode and admitted to using my devices to watch gay porn on my iPad. Despite my discomfort, I tried to respect his preferences. I also discovered that he had been smoking weed in my bathroom without my knowledge and other illegal substances, including injections into the veins. 

22/02/2023

Today, I visited Chelsea and Westminster Hospital due to feeling unwell. I woke up early at 04:00 and called emergency services. I was anxious and upset from a difficult nightmare that still lingers in my mind. During the visit, I waited for 4 hours, understanding that the staff was busy with other patients. Although I had a choice to make another appointment or wait longer, I patiently waited and will return another day. Additionally, I had a scheduled doctor's appointment at 18:20, but received a phone call at 19:02.

He was! 

He was a great listener, always paying attention to my rants about work and life. He would offer comments and opinions, sometimes expressing a desire to have done the same. Other times, he would take on a more authoritative role, guiding me on what was right or wrong. His behavior constantly changed, as if he was pretending to be someone else. I will never forget when he told me, "Open your eyes, I'm not the person you want me to be. I'm not perfect." In response, I told him that he was perfect to me and that I didn't care about his physical appearance. I just wanted him to be himself, the best version of himself. I did everything I could to bring out the best in myself, and he relied on my opinion for things like face scrubs and hair spray. Despite some red flags, I gave him many chances because I loved him and trusted him. It's hard to believe that he can live without me, as I was like a mother to him and he was my baby. Sometimes, he would ask for presents or perfume when I got paid, which made me realize his true nature. Despite his flaws, I still loved him.

Today, on the 20th of August 2023, a Sunday, I woke up early at around 07:00 and prepared for work. Typically, I am quite organized and strive to be punctual, ensuring that I stay on top of all my tasks, whether at home or at work. Despite not feeling completely well, I managed to clean my place and tidy up before heading to work. I am currently experiencing a painful headache and discomfort in my left leg, as if my muscles are contracting. However, I have encountered this type of pain before and have learned to cope with it while still being able to fulfill my work responsibilities.